I'm Sitting Upright in Bed.

I am listening to 'Every You Every Me' by Placebo, and debating whether I can find a place open late enough to eat. Well, I know there are places to go but I am not feelin' falafel at this point and those Döner Imbusses are the only things usually open at 3am on Wednesday.

What I really want is someone to talk to. I want someone to call me back but I don't want to sound needy so I call no one more than once. I just missing my friends back home so much it hurts. I mean don't get me wrong, I love Berlin and I like the people I've met etc. I just wish those special few people from VA could have joined me. The other students here are just a fun group of kids to go out with on the off chance we have enough money between all of us.

::Warning, pointless paragraph ahead, hopefully it ties ininn the end but no one can say for sure.::

Today, I deactivated my Facebook account after realizing that I never use it and I find it a hastle to put up with. Plus, I don't really have a lot of friends at CMU anyway so what is the point on trying to keep up with them? I have a feeling that, (very unfortunately,) camps have been made and lines have been drawn, which is so the way with hormonal teenage drama. :o/

Alright, I am going on the record now as saying that I do not care about the past. It is just that, in the past, behind us, gone, done, etc. Now that isn't to say that I am the type to forgive and forget, (me and the good Lord are still working on that,) but I am really tired of pissy bullshit. If you don't like me, believe me it is your loss. But really, seriously, is it worth spending large parts of your day thinking about how mad you might be at someone when you could be getting on with your own life. No. No, it isn't.

After the Ex/Factor and I split I just cut all ties. I got my shit from the apartment and bolted. No contact, no sitting at home dwelling, just working on making new friends and getting ready for and then living in Berlin. It was nice, and I was happy until snakes started crawling through the DSL lines from across the pond.

The best part about the latest email from SheWhoNeedn'tBeMentioned is that I realized how we are big kids now, and yet when two people get into a fight the shittalk starts with mutuall friends. Then all of a sudden what I might have said about someone in the past is common knowlede and blown out of proportion.

Pardon Me Please but: As if no one in this whole world ever gossiped or complained about a friend? (Come on now.) I am not saying however, that it is right and excusable, but for fucks sake who has never been annoyed by someone that they would call a friend at, att least,) one point in their relationship? Now friends of friends who have nothing to do with the one real argument at hand are suddenly, (somehow and fornoe reason,) involved, become cliquish, and get all defensive. A line in the sand is such a stupidultimatume.

I'm sorry, but I stopped playing telephone in Kindergarten for the exact same reason why I don't play it know. It is and always was a stupid game. I am certainly not perfect and Idefinaltyy do not claim to be so, but I do know how to act like a BigKid and move on instead of obsess over something that is not a part of my life anymore.

Pittsburgh, leave me alone. I'll deal with you when I get there alright? I mean this very seriously: Fuck off Pittsburgh. I'm in Berlin and don't need this monkey on my back.