Another One Bites the Dust.

This morning while I slept, another Spaniard left via Lufthansa. The picnic yesterday was in honor if him seeing as it was the last time we would all be together in that fashion. There was a lot of “Have a good and safe trip!” and “Good luck with your last year, and in life as well!” but no one cried this time. And yet there was a definite heaviness in the air last night.
After leaving the park a small branch of people went off to Morgenrot, (or is it Morgen Rot?) and we grabbed a few Becks and sat along the ripped up tracks on Kastanian Alle. They are refinishing that part of the street so by day there are bulky Germans working diligently and by night it collects people poring out of crowded bars.
After an intense and slightly drunken search for falafel with another Spaniard and an Italian I ran like hell to catch my late night tram off home. I sat munching my now very messy falafel next to a guy who took some sort of interest in watching me eat. Regardless of the time of day here, Berlin scares up some strange folks.

Each of these days has just been so normal as if Thursday is never going to happen. Yet, I have already started packing, started collecting my things from the shelves, and started to decide what I am going to leave behind/donate to the next tenant. By Friday this will be her apartment. This comfy chair, as ugly as it is, will be her ugly chair, and so/so forth with everything in this place. But I will be happy to see people. I will be happy to see Virginia again. I miss, strangely enough, the way it smells there – especially when one is driving down Battlefield Blvd. heading toward the N. Carolina border. In many ways, as much as I love this city and have taken advantage of my time here, I can’t help but think deep down I was meant to live between a field of collards and corn.

Last Sunday of the Last Week.

I'm going to miss the Sunday mentality of the German's, even if three and a half months ago I couldn't understand it. (Sundays and holidays are celebrated solely by purchasing discounted electronics and clothing in the good old US of A. I didn't follow why the Germans had yet to catch on to this.) Now, I get up late, make coffee/breakfast, and just enjoy my very much-needed alone time.
--
On this special Sunday is a little gathering of the other Students in a park for food, wine, and music to celebrate another person's last night in the formerly divided Hauptstadt. I made the mistake of not preparing ahead of time and grocery shopping before Sunday so there will be a makeshift potato dish substituting as my contribution this evening. If all else fails there is always a bottle of wine that can be purchased.
---
Before Thursday there is much shopping at the Galleria that needs to be done, (after I see how much money there is left in my wallet.) I’ll be looking for another piece of luggage, some chocolate, more books, (just say it… nerd,) and maybe some knick-knacks for my new studio next semester.
I half imagine that it would be cheaper to take another trip to Poznan where the only phrase I know, Nie mowie po polsku, (which is probably spelled/conjugated incorrectly,) has gotten me by rather well.
But thankfully, I can shop tax free at the Galleria Kaufhof, (one of the few perks of not being an EU citizen,) so I think I’ll stay local for the next few days.
----
I know that Berlin will always be here, and I have every intention of returning, but I hate that feeling of time running out. I arrived only yesterday with a 20 Degree temperature difference, my life savings in my purse, and a suitcase containing everything I own in my left hand. Now, as it always seems to do, time has crept up on me once again after getting settled and comfortable here. Yet, on the other hand, I cannot wait to see friends back in theStates and give them all of the souvenirs I know they want so desperately. We’ll have a beer, catch up like we always do, and then run off into the night to get tanked in the vast cornfields surrounding the suburbs of Norfolk. The homecoming this week is bitter sweet though seeing as my final fall semester will begin the last week of August in Pittsburgh. I’ll have enough time to shrug off the jet lag in Virginia and then must pack up my life once again and move for the third time in seven months. I am going to look at it this way though; at least I have an apartment so call home on Fifth Ave.

I see and understand now why Berlin sleeps on Sunday. I'm going to miss it.

less then a Week.

Flight: BA0985
Status: Confirmed
From: Tegel (Berlin)
To: Heathrow (London) Terminal 1
Depart: Thu 3 Aug 2006, 16:35
Arrive: Thu 3 Aug 2006, 17:25
Duration: 1hr 50mins
Class: Euro Traveller
Operated by: British Airways

Flight: BA0225
Status: Confirmed
From: Heathrow (London) Terminal 4
To: Dulles (Washington DC)
Depart: Thu 3 Aug 2006, 19:40
Arrive: Thu 3 Aug 2006, 22:35
Duration: 7hrs 55mins
Class: World Traveller
Operated by: British Airways



and then a four hour car ride to Chesapeake. then an eight hour car ride to the 'Burgh.

See This Train?!

I caught it, (metephorically,) about seven or eight months ago out of Pittsburgh and even took a plane across the ocean to get out of dodge.

.yet.

I'm still getting ghosts in my inbox.

Better news later.

the second Photo Essay

Shopping in Poznan

Signs in Poznan

Random Obersvation

I already sent it into Engrish.com

On the Latest Train.

It is a bit rattling to be barged in on my two hulking German police officers saying very sternly: "We must see your passports please." They swoop in really, wrenching open the door it is only then you hear their heavy footsteps land right next to your seat.

Mother, Brother, and I were traveling on the Warsaw Express from Poznan to Berlin, (about a 2.5hr. trip.) I collected the passports and handed them swiftly to the larger gentlemen in uniform clogging the doorway. When he stopped to look at my Visa I mentally choked. It is in order I know but I half think in the back of my head I will be dragged off by these two men who, even at their age, could do it very easily. Next come these two huge stamps from their satchels that make a car rattling “CLANK” as they press the time and place of border cross-age onto a piece of blue paper in my passport.

More photos coming soon, I believe a second photo essay is in order. These are both from Poznan.

June the Vampire.

Yes. It's true. I have no life and am on this damn thing more then a normal blogchild. I'm quite the webstalker, and roam around the vastness of the internet for hours looking for someone or something to make my next five minutes stand out from the last.

I just can't sleep with the snoring from one family member and the very audible sleeptalking from another.

Instead of rest, I sit here at my desk with the same little mix playing lightly in the backround - my favorite song has just begun. ('Herfst en Nieuwegein' by Spinvis.) It goes well with the light breeze coming in from the window and soft sound of typing in my corner of the apartment.

I also just finished talking to Ducky, who I miss more then words can express. (!!!) She was kind enough to fill me in about the comings&goings of folk on that side of the pond, and sounds a bit stressed unfortunatly.

I am truly curious to see how my three weeks at home will go when it comes to seeing everyone that needs to be seen/ packing for my, (dare I say it,) last year at Carnegie Mellon/ and feeling comfortable around special topics that will remain unclear.

::immediate thought::I want to drive down 664 heading into Norfolk from Newport News with Ducky. I want to speed towards the Wave, and see the spooky children. Next I want to see theKiller's soon to be former roommates and get as fucked as possible in the closest bar with as many people as can fit into the booth. Then I want a whole day with La Bella. Dawn to Dusk please.


Speaking of which, here comes the sun. Funny how that happens.

Skip It.

Everybody sleeps on Sundays.

...Except Mother, who wants to wake up bright and early for brunch in Prenz/berg.
Brother, Mother, and I left twenty till noon and met a Guest at the M10 stop. After what was the best buffet at the most random russian restaurant on Knaack Str., (across from the Wasserturm, to give those who want one an idea,) the four of us wandered to Tiergarten and into the Bazaar/Flee Market featured directly off of the S-Bahn station.

The buying of gifts for friends back home is finished.

Sunday, is just the quiet sleepy day here in Berlin. I mean if you really needed a party around here, I'm sure you could find it somewhere. Yet, who would want to? It's nice to: take a long nap in the middle of the afternoon/ eat an amazing Indian meal in Freidrichshain/ read some newly aquired books/ check email without expecting there to be anything/ be suprised by an invite to an exhibit from a fellow artist/ listen to the older Spinvis album shuffled together with the Eraser whilst blogging.

I'm getting used to this way of living and yet I leave in less than two weeks.

Cubic Club

I am sitting at my laptop, (a bit buzzed and very tired,) hoping that tonight was not my last night in Berlin.

I know that it wasn't, but it really felt like it.

I left Mother and Brother here in the Apartment in order to fuck off towards the deeper part of Freidrichshain to meet with other exchange students for some wine and good conversation. By 2am I was wandering with the group down Warshauer Straße over the bridge past the S-Bahn Station and into Krauzberg. Don't ask the exact street where this place was, but do I know it was a bridge over from the OstBahnhof.

For two Euro we wandered past a large open club made of glowing green cubes and on to a 'beach' on the river. I'm guessing the green minimal sculpture serving as club/bar was the reason this place is called Cubic Club. After conversing with classmates and new 'friends,' I followed the two Italians, the Dutchboy, and an Austrian to the happening in the middle of dancefloor. With bags in the middle, we made a circle to dance in while enjoying two Euro beer and the occational drunk salutaion from a stranger.

I wanted to continue the massive amounts of cigerette smoking and beer siping for the rest of this night, but knew I couldn't blunder into my apartment half tanked at 6am in front of family and expect to make it to Sunday brunch by 11:30.

To keep it breif, the music was generic German trance, with the expected lack of talented/excited German dancers - but it was still one of the best nights I have had here in the city.

In the middle of the crowded dance floor filled with glowing European guests I looked up into a light red sky at about 3am and thought: I will never be more happy.

the 21st.

In order to escape the intense heat this afternoon, Mother, Brother, and I rushed into the latest exhibition at the Neue National Gallerie.

Berlin Tokyo
Tokyo Berlin
die Kunst Zweier Städte

luckily, I had my trusty notebook, (used for the occasional scribble as well as old-fashioned journal makin') and have gotten the names of German and Japanese artist's alike that are worth looking into. (If interested, you should know where to find my email address.)

Can you believe that the little Virginian-girl saw six real On Kawara pieces, as well as a few Hannah Höch's, a Daniel Richter, and two installations from Yayoi Kusama!!

(Mind you I have only scene slides of these pieces until now.)

I was in ecstasy this entire afternoon just slowly walking from one piece to the next and standing so close the guards got a little nervous.

(There were some goose bumps.)

After purchasing two graphic novels in the gift shop for myself, I left with Mother and Brother to wander into Potsdamer Platz. After a nice glass of Riesling and a small snack we decided to check out the Rundgang at UdK, even though with my many trips to and fro from the Uni all week - we had watched them slowly put up the whole thing. With no surprises found there, it was back to the U2 and once again back into the oven that is Berlin at mid-afternoon.

The Birthday Dinner took place at this little cafe on Kastanian Alle. Once we realized that they didn't have food, (they ran out?) Mother, Brother, June, and Guest buggered off to the Beirgarten right across the way.
(Very good food, no - AmazingFood. Senfeier... who would have thought that three hardboiled eggs, mashed potatoes, and thinned Dijon mustard could be so damn...good?)

I received an illustrated German Bible, which was the best and most on point gift I have received in a very long while, and enjoyed watching my mother entertain the Guest with stories about our dog, Lola.

The entire day, my Inbox, Handy, Myspace Profile, Instant Messenger, and Blog were filled with Birthday Wishes, which made my day more then any big ShinDig or presents would have. (Thankyou. Really.) The best salutation though, came from theKiller. He never actually said 'Happy Birthday.' (too easy, too emotionally close or friendly.) Instead, he does it the way he does everything (using a ten foot poll), which I would like to think means more. He's being nice, I know, but the sweeter little girl in my heart is stirred and I find myself going to bed less jaded.



p.s. unrelated link

Today is World Jump Day (!!!)

July 20th isn't just my birthday...

35 (some odd) Degrees

The city is boiling today and every window in every building is cracked. There are fans going everywhere and people are seeking refuge in the few venues sporting AC in this part of Europe. Global warming is a reality that Deutschland needs to realize and deal with the way everyone else does.

Let's go inside, jack up the air conditioning, and not leave the house until the sun goes down.

Today is also offically the last day of my semester at UdK. I have collected all the signatures, gotten the grades, and said a very formal goodbye to everyone that I shared class with. I'm now back in the library, where everyone else seems to still be working and feel bad for taking up this spot for as long as I know I will be. Still, I'm not going to leave before I'm finished myspacing, emailing, blogging, and surfing.

This is also the first time in some time that I haven't been working, or in summer school on my birthday. (My mother believed that summer school as a way of keeping me occupied during the summer as well as getting me ahead in school, I graduated high school with more credits then anyone I knew.) The only problem is that none of the people I know around here have time tonight to go get a drink at midnight. I don't really make a fuss over the 20th of July, (I mean I stopped getting real presents a while a go and haven't had a cake in years,) but it would be nice to do a little something since I have no obligations for the rest of my time here.

Regardless of what happens this evening though, I know my mother will be taking me out tomorrow night and we will have a 'nice family dinner,'which hopefully won't end with any kind of bickering between me and my 17 year old brother.

Next week though, will be my undoing. The final week for many exchange students will begin and endless partying will certainly happen. I must say, I'm looking more forward to that then anything else.

Multiply.(ed)

Bauhaus, as seen from Wikipedia.

Nothing spectacular today.
Museums, and goodtimes with lovely family members.

Currently I am acting quite the arty fool, listening to Skip Divided by Yorke a few times over and over while researching Wiemar, Germany in preperation for a possible trip there this weekend.

I'm not thinking about anything particularly heavy or stressfull for the first time since Mother arrived and theMexican left.

"you are a fool you are a fool
for stickin round, for stickin round"

::June smiles while listening::

Really, all must buy this album. Then all must wish me luck with the last day of the semester today.

lateNight

look at the brunette. such a dreamer you never saw!

I wait until everyone is asleep to come home and get onto this pretty little PowerBook of mine. OfCourse (!!!), aMurderer is lurking on my buddy list and due to my slight buzz and extreme loneliness I message him.

(oh yeah, this is a pouty girl post meine Damen und Herren.)

The only reason I vent to you, (the 2.5 people that glance at this,) is that my dearest friend in theStates is busy and hasn't emailed in a week. Granted I have been occupied with family for the past couple days, but I still climb on to the Web each day hoping that she might have dropped some advice into my mailbox. Alas, today was yet again not TheDay.

So, let me just start by saying that today was actually a pretty decent day. I filled each minute on the clock with conversation and activity effortlessly. This act I must confess, is really a brave effort to keep me from sitting here all day waiting for news from home, (via myspce. how sad?!) I call the few I know here in order to bug them into having a beer with me to no avail. I'll admit though, I'm not the greatest friend, (or whatever you call it,) in the world so I am not surprised by their busy excuses. So instead, I climb on the tram home and plop my ass here.

This, mind you, is not my attempt to feel sorry or bad about my situation. I feel that singledom is just that. A period where one must fill your time with other things then a relationship or (whatever they're called.) Yet being a Cancer + Mercury acting like an asshole for another week at least, I am back and forth with my moods about company, (and anything else,) and feel the need to emote.

Then here we are now, full circle at 3am. I'm lonely but enjoy being alone. I'm meloncoly but not that upset by it. I'm consumed with thoughts of aMurderer, and yet living well single and free.

What has anyone gained from this other then more typing practice? Let's save that for another post.

thatMurderer! and Old Paintings/Wine

Everytime I talk to theKiller I'm 15 years old: feeling ugly, fat, and stupid whilst standing next to a pretty blond idiot.
And all we talk about is the general goings on. (!!!) This is the ultimate girl thing to think and feel, and I see this. Doesn't mean I can't stop feeling it unfortunatly. More unfortunatly I have spent most of my time on this blog whining about it.

This feeling aside, today was the second day of family in Berlin. Mother, Brother, and June, walking around MuseumInsel.

We bought fabulous hats, (I am the RedBarron!) and gave bread to homeless people. We saw oldEgyptianGreekRoman shit, and gazed upon Monet, Manet, Renoir, Degas, + all their other Impressionist friends. Casper D. Freidrich didn't know what hit him... There were other famous German painters featured as well, but for further info one needs to come here and hit up the galleries.

Post-Culturetime was spent walking towards the Weinerei on Fehrberliner Strasse near Kastanian Alle for good wine, pleasent food, and even better weather, (thank God.)

In other news, I still haven't worn a shirt that reveals the two awful secrets on my arm and chest. I feel compelled to hide it from my poor mother as if I were five again and am still scared of mommydearest. (I am not comparing my mother to the real MommyDearest, but every mother has that boiling point that every child fears.) I can't even type about it now, I feel so horrible. Not just for hiding, but for possibly dissapointing Mother with something that I have wanted secretly for ages...

I'm the worst daughter in the world.

On that note, I'm going to bed early.

the Photo Essay

berlinBiennial

the Man and the Apotheke

@ Planet

theWinery

PartyFlash

EbeswalderStrasse

littletinyHouses.

JewishGirlsSchool bathroom.

TheEnd

My Friend's Name is CurryWurst.

Walking into Dussmann's, (the German version of Barnes and Noble,) I was pleased that this is one of the few establishments in the entire city that believes in AC.

I walked with HerrMann past a large bald man with tiny glasses of mineral water thinking that maybe there was some kind of event happening on the same day that Thom York's Eraser became available in the store. Apparently nothing special was going on, just another attempt to pamper guests in to buying over-priced media.

The two of us worked our way over to New Releases and did some digging before I snatched the last copy of the coveted Eraser off of the shelf to my friend's cry of dismay.

"Not Fair! Come on!"

Well there had to be more copies available right? I mean this is a massive store and they aren't just going to shelve 10 CD's on the release day...

After bothering the frazzled looking InformationFrau, HerrMann got his hands on a copy and the two of us parted ways into the sea of new music.

WishList:
Hooverphonic: No More Sweet Music
Nouvelle Vague: Bande 'a Part
Nick Cave: The Preposition Score
Muse: Blackholes and Revelations, (only certain tracks though... they tend to get a bit to poptastic if you know what I mean.
Quarks: Trigger Me Happy
Bonnie 'Prince' Billy: I See Darkness
and this new album by the Concrets

We met again by the listening stations and browsed a bit together complaining about the new Keane album and how instantly it blew, (I mean it really fucking sucks my friends,) and then he found it.
HerrMann found this ridiculous album by a German blues artist, the name of which currently fails me, but there was this one song...

Currywurst.

I will do some more research on the song so you may all find it and enjoy it as much as I did. By this I mean enjoy falling on the floor, crying, wheezing, laughing so hard you break something.

The whole experience today was worth getting up at the unGodly hour of 3pm and racing to the S-Bahnhof at Alex for. I always enjoy this kid's company and wish we had the time to get to know one another better, ( I mean, all Radiohead fans are somewhat kin, yes?.) He is obsessed, (I exaggerate, but ...) with Currywurst and so this song has true meaning to our brief friendship. An inside joke if you will.



In closing, buy the new Thom York Album. It is lovely and you will be a lovely person by owning it. I know this is no way to end an entry but - I'm tired.

This Morning,

I woke up and instantly checked my email. It was Christmas in July as I found my father had sent this old picture of theKiller and I from January\February of this year. I thought immediatly how those glasses I'm wearing there are now in some dump off the coast of New Jersey having broken soon after this picture. The coat I have on is now quite stained and worn out having been exposed to too many college keg parties and late nights in filthy art studios. And theKiller and I don't stand as close to one another anymore. Literaly, and otherwise.

After all of these thoughts, I looked at the clock and lept out of bed into what feels like the hottest day to date here in Berlin. No matter how many showers I take, I'm still sweating through my white T-Shirt on the M5 heading towards the S-Bahnhof at Alex. After climbing on to the train and schleping it to the Uni I find solice in the litho studio.
The large potato resembling German man who helps me print is cheerful and ready to get going as usual. It's sad actually that this was my last day and that next week I must go around and collect my prints, get my signatures and dissapear like so many other exchange students do every semester.

I'd like to think I made some kind of impression here, but that is very unlikly. I didn't use the studio space here, and I never really came to a lot of classes. Instead, I have been taking these past four months to search inside this city, and let it to change me. Mind you I have been working, just not the way I usually do, and I can tell already that my work is shifting in a direction I never thought it would.

The rest of my day will be spent putting things in order around the apartment, showering, (again,) and attempting to avoid putting together my presentation for next weeks final art history class. There might be some grocery shopping in there as well but seeing as it is already past five I doubt it.

so.

With my visitor gone and more space available in the livingroom/bedroom, I am happy to sit here in bed at 11:30 in the morning and debate mentally the normal everyday decisions to be made while being blissfully alone.

Should I get something to eat first? No, I need to brush my teeth and then I won't want to eat. When should I email Frau Whatever back? Is the weather nice enough today to go to the park but not hot enough to roast in the park? How much cleaning needs to be done before the next guest arrives?

The biggest question in my head is why last night, (while a little drunk,) did I slap my friend in the face? Is he mad? I apologized, but was it enough? Why do I do these things? I'm not a child, and I know to use to my words, and yet when I feel I'm loosing the battle how could I just give in to something so simpleminded. I slapped someone. God! I am amazing at doing these things and then obsessing over the play by play the next day.

He seemed suprised, and but when he left later that night, he didn't seem too mad...

I think I will just start some coffee and get this day started. We'll figure out whether or not I burned a bridge later. We have plans for the evening and so hopefully they come together and then I will know for sure.

Still: way to go.

zeGermans

Motherfuckers.
It's really the only word I can use to describe theBastards at my Uni, who have gone and royally fucked me in the VISA department.

The Story:

I was under the assumption that as an American citizen I could be here in the EU for at least three months before needing to obtain proper documentation. This is a fact that I checked not only with the German consulate in theStates, but also with my University and other students from the other side of thePond.

"All is well," everyone told me, "wait out your three months then either go to Switzerland or get a VISA."

So today, I got there early. I sat in the sweaty, sticky, and yellowing waiting room with a crowd of other Ausländer like myself and waited like a good girl until I met with a large pasty German woman who was probably much younger then she looked. She checks all my papers, leafing through my documented existence looking bored and a bit disgruntled. Then she tells me my papers are old. I am not allowed to study during my three months of 'visiting.' (I am however able to obtain an apartment, register that apartment, and then simply exist within Berlin proper.)

So I attempted to clarify what was explained to me prior to my appointment in this office. All I get from this woman is, "Du darfst nicht heir studieren oder arbeiten!" (You may not study or work here!)

After a lot of shrugging, shuffling of papers, asking around from one office to the next and then sending me back to time out in the waiting room - I got my damn VISA. So now, I'm in the clear until September but it isn't really necessary seeing as I leave Berlin in early August. Maybe this is a good thing for right now. I love it here, but the bureaucracy is a new kind of hideous.

noSubject.

It is about 4am again, (as this tends to happen,) and I am sitting alone in my apartment enjoying a slight buzz and not caring that my feet are horribly dirty. (Walking in Berlin is a grungy buisness.)
So, Italy won the World Cup and hopefully thisgermanCity will return to some kind of normal-ness before the Love Parade next week. (ohmy.)

Currently, I have a cold - but that doesn't stop me from attempting to sing along with Amanda Palmer as loud as possible while she belts 'Truce' from my laptop, all the while chatting with random folks in theStates, and wondering when my dearFriend is coming back from her night on the town with theAustrian.
I have no interest, in my current state, to be with anyone let alone a brand new couple and so I retire to my comfy flat to have some personal space. I love having guests, and I especially love having my current one here - but I like my space.
I like things on my terms. If I want to change my mind in an instant or go somewhere without notice, I don't like having to run it by anyone. This is what is nice about living alone, but also what is nice about not having very close friends here. I don't have to care what the others are doing, where they are going or what they are thinking. With my guests, I have to be somewhat vigilant.

So, the story goes, that in the S-Bahn this evening I made the split decison to fuck off home. I didn't really have a reason, I just wanted to go home the way I knew how from where we were from.
She wants to stay out for a while, and is trying to mediate between me and the others, which only aggrivates me. I just want to leave, I just want to go, I have made up my mind a million seconds ago and anyone else is just in the way. This feeling is unexplainable, and happens within an instant - it is also what confusses/pisses a lot of people off and just all in all does not do me any real favors with people.

I made the right decision though. I'm happy here, alone. Strangly enough I believe I have been begging on this thing for someone to talk to, and yet I realize that in this exact moment that is the last thing I want. Conversation is effort, chatting is trivial, and jokes are untranslatable here.
This is not a complaint of Berlin. Instead, it is one of anywhere. I don't want to be anywhere but here: listening now to 'til Tuesday's Voices Carry and thinking about a 4:30am bath. I don't want anyone to be here. Me Myself and I.

Selfish Girl.

theMexicangirl

So my one friend from the States is here and already there is too much to type about.

Later.