And only one night's sleep later,

I'm less upset and more wanton. Lashing out is wrong and I should be a nicer and bigger person.

I keep thinking about the winter and how there seems to be fewer problems in general when everything lies in wait for the new year. The snow kills or dissuades the insects from creeping through the cracks in our apartment, it softens steps on the pavement, lessens the chances of being mugged in Garfield, and makes this city look a bit cleaner.

It's that frozen quiet that I miss more than anything. When there's no wind, no one around, and only the sound of your breath/crunchy step in the air. I remember looking around me and finding thing revealed by bare foliage that I hadn't noticed in August and feeling somehow in on something. Fuck that's lame but I miss the cold.

I Get It.

For a woman, your looks last only so long. This is baring lack of funds for cosmetic improvement. The reality is that I smoke heavily and drink like a fish - nut I'm young so I've got a bit before it starts to eat away at me physically or otherwise.

So the true question is, why is dear June left with only the dregs of humanity that want nothing but, "I am still very willing to hang out with you, watch movies, eat food, fool around, whatever, but it would not change that I still do not want it to take on uniquely girlfriend qualities."

To myself and other female friends this reads as, "I'm not that interested but if you feel the need to get laid you know my number."


Apparently I don't try hard enough/too hard. I lack something.



So, this evening I sit at the bar next to a female bulldog in an acceptably slutty tube top and all that I can think is how perfect her life is with her perfectly lame romantic problems that are not problems at all - simply the contents of a very lame episode from a hideous series on MTV - and I think to myself, 'how jealous am I right now?! Ignorance is bliss.'


After the lights came up at the bar and revealed all of us to one another I stumbled towards my bike and rode home thinking that I should be happier about the lack of company. I escaped the parade without being scathed.


(Let us all now have a collective laugh at the pathetic attitude of the heroine and dis wade her from ever posting drunk again.)

The Song Remains The Same.

My return is marked by the Comcast Cable man arriving promptly at 9:15 yesterday morning.

--------------on with it then.

Lyrics to that very emotionally crucial song are never effective when spelled out in front of you. It is imperative that the beat, the adorable raspy voice, all of it must be there in order for the true impact to be made.

Personally, I'm infatuated with the Ladytron track Cease2xist off of Light & Magic, especially the lines: Think, everyone that you've kissed/Do the cease to exist/Once you've stop being missed

But this doesn't mean anything to you until you hear it.

Oh to be eternally despondent and European! Everyone would hate me I'm sure but I would remain unaffected...