Song Titles

I have been singing in the mirror a lot hoping to fall in and join the fun on the other side.

'till tuesday's voices carry
anything dresden dolls
radiohead, (of course)
fiona apple's o'sailor
we both go down together by the decemberists
and covenant's remix of torn

I have this habit of escaping into my head with these songs and really attempting to cling to something unrealistic. Then I go home and draw my heart out. It helps to hurt, I find it very inpirational.

'meet me on my vast veranda, my sweet untouched miranda!'

so on and so forth.

In other news, I need to catch the U2 to an exhibition all the way across town. Wish me luck finding a seat between the strollers, bikes, and assholes.

Groggy on Sunday.

I saw all of Berlin in one sleepless night/day/night and must tell all of you how important it is to come and visit.

Pictures coming soon.

to a very missed America
a kiss from June.

Another Berlin Friday.

Wednesday night I was drunk as a skunk with theAussie-girl and after an eventful night of Berlin bar-hopping, I spotted my coincidenceGuy across the tracks of the M10. As we walked across these tretourous tracks I opened up my mouth to say something and fell hard across two bands of iron and into some very jagged rocks. I screamed out loud, 'Fuck! It hurts! oh FUCK it hurts!!!' and couldn't hear anything. My head had gone completely numb and there was only a slight buzzing and the muffled sounds of theAussie-girl and some guy she brought home saying things like, 'It's okay, we're almost there!'
I crawl to the other side of the street where I still can't hear anything and start puking green vomit onto someone's front stoop. I'm shaking uncontroably and in the back of my head realizing how much I had actually had to drink in the past twelve hours. It has been a while since I have been this careless. The guy brings some water over to me and then lifts me up in his arms, carrying me down a block until he doesn't know where to go. I finally direct the two of them back to my flat and curl up in a ball on my bed, only to wake up the next day without a hang over, (how is beyond me.) Instead, My arms and legs are so bruised and swollen I had a limp for the rest of the day. Even today, I have trouble lifting my arms over my head and the swelling has yet to go down in my right knee and hand.

Last night on the other hand was lovely. A calm evening at B Flat, with theGermanTeddyBär, an American, and OhMichigan! is just what I needed. The jazz singer on this particular night was French with a very good command of the German language, and her small band including an up-right bass, drums, and piano had a calming effect on my sore heart, (still consumed by theKiller,) and body.

Today though, is my day. I woke up at two, and not for any other reason then because I wanted to. It was a brilliant, lazy day with lots of Sex and the City on DVD and laundry. The weather has been chilly fo the past few days so I have the heat up to a comfy temperature and have completed my daily chores lounging in underware and a Carnegie Mellon T-Shirt.

I might be battered and bruised inside and out but that doesn't matter. Today is my day.

Quite the Ass.

So I have been a hermit for the past few day and decided not to go to the studio. Instead, I have watched, 'Thirteen,' 'I <3 Huckabees,' (spelling not my forte,) and 'Sky High,' while working on artshit at home.

::The weather has been shit and taking a tram and the U-Bahn for an hour just to sit in a cold studio with Herr I'mAJackass is just not appealing when I can do so much at home.::

Yet, sadly, today I must present my work to my class which is about thirty to fifty stuck up EuroArtPunks, and I am forced to show up at the university. Grr. At least the weather is nicer today...

In other news, the Galleria Kaufhof in Alexanderplatz is experiencing a grand opening today and I got a bangin' coffee press for 20€, (marked down from 39.99 mind you!) along with some tasty SouthAmerican coffee and yummy 5€ cheese from Norway.
They're having a huge celebration in the space in front of the Kaufhof, which was stuffed with venders selling cute homemade trinkets and the smell of grilled wurst. (I've been a vegitarian for almost 8 years and my mouth was watering.)

They had some kind of radio station DJing the event with shitty american pop music - but it still felt extremely european regardless. My favorite part of this whole scene is seeing the one Turkish vegitable-sellerGuy with his little makeshift market next to the U-Bahn station. There is a ton of people, music, and city noise, but you can hear him crying his wares across the whole of Alexanderplatz. He is desperate to sell as much white asperagus, (again spelling!!) as he possibly can before it goes out of season.

All in all things are lookin' fun for the weekend with more grand-openings and a huge book fest in the middle of the city.

:*from June to America.

Eisbär

Ich möchte ein Eisbär sein.

cos being a human sucks. it's too hard.

Evidence of Dresden.

Semeroper

Ceiling Painting Inside the Foyer of the Semeroper.

Fellow Erasmus Student Checking Out the Ceiling.

The rest was all a bit of a blur. Old building here, restored building there. I have better video of the whole trip.

The First Tattoo Picks.

The First of Many Pictures I have to Share:

Goofing Off

The Clothes are Done.

It won't stop raining here so today is an inside day.

DVD's, rice dishes, a smoke on the balcony, and laundry.

yay.

OhMichigan! and I enjoy the time we spend together and the wine we drink together.

:*forJune

Grrr.

The growl of an angry kitten.

It is still raining. (grrr.) There are a bunch of exchange students heading towards my place around 8 tonight, (2pm for you east coasters America.) (Grrrrr.) And I continue to torture myself with things that only females could understand and guys can only be afraid of. (Of course it is about theKiller.) (GRRROWL!!)

Today, isn't so much fun.

This place has become a forum for what I call myCrazy to be expressed in order to not scare away any of the real people I have to see everyday.

Don't worry America, they are not coming to take me away just yet. Instead, I am being a Cancer and a Female.

In other News, I can't find a Catholic church here in Northern Germany to save my life. My grandmother and great-grandmother will now start to spin in their graves as I write this, but I will be attending the local Protestant church in my area this Sunday, if I can get up on time. :) Which Protestant sect is it? Well, to that my reletives would say, ' Aren't they all the same? Against the Pope?!'

Ah, religious conflict! I'm sure it keeps the after-life interesting.

Another Day of Rain for Berlin

Here is the picture of the tatto process. Unfortunaly it will be a while untill I can obtain pictures of the actual tattoos. There is Me, theCowboy, theMiamian, and the Polish Tattoo artist.

I managed to get up and do the much needed chores around the house before leaving for the studio this morning. German's don't believe in personal clothes dryers and so I place soaking wet clothes into a bucket and ring them out piece by piece in the bathtub before clipping them to the dry rack in the bathroom. You would be amayed how wet the clothes are coming out of that machine. It surprises me everytime... It is still quite a cathartic process and I enjoy feeling domestic.

I finally printed my first stone this morning and even though lithography is something I have studied since highschool they manage to do everything so differently here in these studios that I have no idea what to do. Instead I sat back and let two fourty or fifty something German men do practically everything which is frustrating. It is my stone, I want to print the damn thing! Regardless the prints look good so I shouldn't be too upset.

The former X-Man decided to IM last night which surprised the hell out of me. He left me, and yet won't stop attempting to contact me. I wish theKiller were so persistant.

I feel boring today. This is not the best update or peek into my life, but it is a testament of how boring it can be. I'm off to the U2 at Zoologischergarten and once home I am making something warm to eat and snuggling up with a good book or maybe some downloaded South Park and getting some much needed rest.

Those Kinda Boys.

I got mugged on Monday night, but I am trying to forget about it. It's a long horrible story that ends with me puking at anAmerican's house for the second time.

So yesterday came the second tattoo right across my chest. I laid out on the comfy table they offer at Twister Tattoos, Piercings, Hair Styles, and more, and braced myself for what became the most painful thing I have ever experienced. It was amazing. :)

The worst is the brest bone. Your whole chest vibrates with pain shooting through you like you are being stabbed several times in a spot already irritated. It was truly spiritual.

BytheBy, theKiller wrote back. After I bitched, yelled, and got upset... but he still wrote back.

Men have this way of murdering the women they love with the slightest gesture. No paying attention, not saying exactly what you wanted to hear, not writing you back after you pour out your heart into a very well crafted email. Then, they redeem themselves with the smallest action. Like writing back a short story sized email that lifts a spirit to the rafters with four small words... (not the ones a person might classically think of. You cannot guess these words and mydearAmerica I'm not telling!)

I'm slain. Once again I have fallen and wish never to get up. Currently, I am convinced that I love to be conflicted with these feelings because it fuels that creative spark eventhough it hurts too much for words.

You bastard! How I hate the fact that my heart continues to rot for you!! Eh...

Enough. I'm done.

p.s. Tell me who you are. You know who I am talking about!

The Weekend and the Week

Dresden was beautiful, but the five hour tour all over the entire city only to be abandoned by our tour guide to get home on our own was less then fun. Me and the thirteen other international students sought shelter from a horrible storm in a beer garden with no inside to speak of. Instead we all huddled with our drinks under an umbrella and in both broken English and German attempted to learn more about one another. That night we all managed to find a bar on the other side of Dresden from the hostel and get massivly wasted while squished into the back corner of a cramped table. Afterwords I took a nice long walk over to the hostel with some French guy so that we might enjoy a ciggerette together.

The next day consisted of a great breakfast with OhMichigan! some art and crown jewels, and the Church of Our Lady, (FrauenKirche,) and me sleeping from 9pm until the next morning in a very comfy bed.

The porcelin factory, the trip home, then sushi with a German and great beer.

End Scene.

Today: more work, and trouble with a Killer.

Consider yourself updated America.

3:30 or 15:30

I've just finished in the studio for today and have no desire to go back home. The scary man who runs the shop doesn't let me stay after three just when I am really getting into my stone. I sit alone usually working in this room that smells like ink and printing chemicals, (which by the way is the most intoxicating and yet wonderful smell,) and mull over my drawings all the while rocking the iPod, (Radiohead usually...) He leaves the window open that looks out on to the courtyard and with the weather being as beautiful as it has been lately the studio is quite the religious experience. I have so much to get out of my head I can't squeeze it all into 6hrs.

There is not point to this I just wish I was there instead of sitting in the library waiting for my German class to start.

The Day Before

I leave for Dresden tomorrow, bright and early around 9am. This morning when I woke up at 2pm, I sent quick SMS' back and forth to OhMichigan! about plans for today, and settled on a quiet afternoon of art making and scrubs while planning what I am going to pack.

It is nice to have a day where the only major decision you have to make is what is the better angle from which to view your computer screen so it isn't so unvisible in my very well lit bedroom.

Otherwise, I sit in my comfy bed and listen to kids playing in the park while still marveling at how well the sound of footsteps passing by is so clear you'd think someone was in the apartment. How I love a slow MayDay in Deutschland. :)

The Wait

So I emailed myKiller in April, and he has yet to get back to me. I've checked my gmail in agony for two and a half weeks now and have as of today stopped checking.

I hate that I did this to myself.

Otherwise school has been phenomenal. I am in love with lithography and have been in the studio constantly in order to finish a very intricate stone which I am excited about printing.
I have been out with friends, running around Berlin at all hours of the night - only to come home to a very comfy if not slightly chilly apartment.
I make breakfast in my underware, I take showers with the window open and the curtain's drawn, I obsessivly clean everything all the time. I sing along to the radio and I sleep in until 3pm when I feel the need to. I love living on my own.

This weekend is Dresden, hopefully a nice weekend of travel will draw theKiller from the back of my mind. He needs to go home.

Oh My

What a gorgeous fucking day it is. I don't even care that I think I spelled that wrong...!

The studio is brilliant, the art making is going well, and June is starving.

theKiller is waiting with the ball in his court this week. How easily I am slain by him, and how well he knows that.

I have met and befriended many of the Americans over the past two weeks - to the point where yesterday I stripped down for one so that she could make a plaster cast of my back for a peice of hers. What us Yanks will do for each other.

There is nothing really else to report other then German's are weird, and when a man from China speaks German it is suprisingly easier to understand then when he speaks English, (just this one guy though...)

ta

The Last Week Or So...

My God! it has been an age...!

and so much has happened.. like the fact that I got my first tattoo! (pictures coming soon of course.

The reason I miss you American is because the German's are weird. I have decided I could live here forever and still never understand how on a holiday you close everything instead of having huge sales!! I mean EVERYTHING is closed! And all the restaurants close early... I hate it!

Otherwise the nightlife is good, the school is great, and I am going back for my next tattoo in a week. (You get addicted that quick.)