noSubject.

It is about 4am again, (as this tends to happen,) and I am sitting alone in my apartment enjoying a slight buzz and not caring that my feet are horribly dirty. (Walking in Berlin is a grungy buisness.)
So, Italy won the World Cup and hopefully thisgermanCity will return to some kind of normal-ness before the Love Parade next week. (ohmy.)

Currently, I have a cold - but that doesn't stop me from attempting to sing along with Amanda Palmer as loud as possible while she belts 'Truce' from my laptop, all the while chatting with random folks in theStates, and wondering when my dearFriend is coming back from her night on the town with theAustrian.
I have no interest, in my current state, to be with anyone let alone a brand new couple and so I retire to my comfy flat to have some personal space. I love having guests, and I especially love having my current one here - but I like my space.
I like things on my terms. If I want to change my mind in an instant or go somewhere without notice, I don't like having to run it by anyone. This is what is nice about living alone, but also what is nice about not having very close friends here. I don't have to care what the others are doing, where they are going or what they are thinking. With my guests, I have to be somewhat vigilant.

So, the story goes, that in the S-Bahn this evening I made the split decison to fuck off home. I didn't really have a reason, I just wanted to go home the way I knew how from where we were from.
She wants to stay out for a while, and is trying to mediate between me and the others, which only aggrivates me. I just want to leave, I just want to go, I have made up my mind a million seconds ago and anyone else is just in the way. This feeling is unexplainable, and happens within an instant - it is also what confusses/pisses a lot of people off and just all in all does not do me any real favors with people.

I made the right decision though. I'm happy here, alone. Strangly enough I believe I have been begging on this thing for someone to talk to, and yet I realize that in this exact moment that is the last thing I want. Conversation is effort, chatting is trivial, and jokes are untranslatable here.
This is not a complaint of Berlin. Instead, it is one of anywhere. I don't want to be anywhere but here: listening now to 'til Tuesday's Voices Carry and thinking about a 4:30am bath. I don't want anyone to be here. Me Myself and I.

Selfish Girl.