The Beginning of the End, (sort of.)

I'm a senior doing the landslide into May. It's the first day of school, (all be it a half day due to Dr. MLK Jr.) and what did I do? Sleep in and not attend my first class and only class today. Why? I'm in denial about being back and this being the last go at a semester at Carnegie Mellon University. This shouldn't be a big deal - but it is.

If I unpack and put everything away, should I set on to campus, if I talk to my professors about this semester - It will kick off the small snow ball that becomes the giant crushing ball of ice that is the Panic of May 20th. Cap and gown must be ordered, the ring must be fitted, the letters of recommendation must be collected, a job must be secured, and I become an alumna.


So I'm living this week like the Devotchka line ringing in my ears and heart"
"We've come a long long way, Let's put it off for one more day,"

Last night I think I had a date, but I'm not sure. Drinks were bought for me, laughter was prevalent, and we were both pretty buzzed by the end of the night. I think though, that my smoking really bothered the poor boy and I need to be more serious about quitting before I go back out there again. I just get nervous and reach for the comfort of a long drag on my Camel Filters. I've never felt more unattractive then noticing his occasional face or hiding his nose from the smoke. It was proabably how I looked as a little girl when my dad smoked in the car.

I've mentioned before that there are no such thing as resolutions and so I'm not making one to quit smoking. Instead I'll take it one day at a time and just not smoke on this day, hoping to not smoke the day after but not concerning myself with that now. Wish me luck.