And only one night's sleep later,

I'm less upset and more wanton. Lashing out is wrong and I should be a nicer and bigger person.

I keep thinking about the winter and how there seems to be fewer problems in general when everything lies in wait for the new year. The snow kills or dissuades the insects from creeping through the cracks in our apartment, it softens steps on the pavement, lessens the chances of being mugged in Garfield, and makes this city look a bit cleaner.

It's that frozen quiet that I miss more than anything. When there's no wind, no one around, and only the sound of your breath/crunchy step in the air. I remember looking around me and finding thing revealed by bare foliage that I hadn't noticed in August and feeling somehow in on something. Fuck that's lame but I miss the cold.

I Get It.

For a woman, your looks last only so long. This is baring lack of funds for cosmetic improvement. The reality is that I smoke heavily and drink like a fish - nut I'm young so I've got a bit before it starts to eat away at me physically or otherwise.

So the true question is, why is dear June left with only the dregs of humanity that want nothing but, "I am still very willing to hang out with you, watch movies, eat food, fool around, whatever, but it would not change that I still do not want it to take on uniquely girlfriend qualities."

To myself and other female friends this reads as, "I'm not that interested but if you feel the need to get laid you know my number."


Apparently I don't try hard enough/too hard. I lack something.



So, this evening I sit at the bar next to a female bulldog in an acceptably slutty tube top and all that I can think is how perfect her life is with her perfectly lame romantic problems that are not problems at all - simply the contents of a very lame episode from a hideous series on MTV - and I think to myself, 'how jealous am I right now?! Ignorance is bliss.'


After the lights came up at the bar and revealed all of us to one another I stumbled towards my bike and rode home thinking that I should be happier about the lack of company. I escaped the parade without being scathed.


(Let us all now have a collective laugh at the pathetic attitude of the heroine and dis wade her from ever posting drunk again.)

The Song Remains The Same.

My return is marked by the Comcast Cable man arriving promptly at 9:15 yesterday morning.

--------------on with it then.

Lyrics to that very emotionally crucial song are never effective when spelled out in front of you. It is imperative that the beat, the adorable raspy voice, all of it must be there in order for the true impact to be made.

Personally, I'm infatuated with the Ladytron track Cease2xist off of Light & Magic, especially the lines: Think, everyone that you've kissed/Do the cease to exist/Once you've stop being missed

But this doesn't mean anything to you until you hear it.

Oh to be eternally despondent and European! Everyone would hate me I'm sure but I would remain unaffected...

The End Is Near!

So, I know for a fact that when you barely post on a blog that no one really reads anyway - people stop reading completely. Why start up again now?

Because Ladies and Gentleman - I'm days from graduating and the announcement cannot go unposted.

Now I have the rest of my life to sit in front of this computer and astound you with my day to day achievements. :)

Over the past few months I have move in and around Pittsburgh living only day to day in the hopes of finishing each week and with each week having one project or another completed. When I wasn't working within the 15289 zip code I was at the bar, (either earning or spending money.) But now this endless cycle is over - over and done with - completed - finished - I mean almost.

Tomorrow I send off three paintings to the Miller Gallery here on campus for the BFA 2007 show and by Friday with the opening reception also comes my one and only deadline between me and the diploma - the Drug Use Drug Policy final.

This is all that is worth writing because this is all that is worth thinking about at the moment. There will be no long drawn out revisiting of my four years here. There will be no 'would of should of could of-ing.' There is no time for that. The rest of the world awaits.

Vernonia Sch. Dist. 47J v. Acton (94-590), 515 U.S. 646 (1995).

(b) The first factor to be considered in determining reasonableness is the nature of the privacy interest on which the search intrudes. Here, the subjects of the Policy are children who have been committed to the temporary custody of the State as schoolmaster; in Page II that capacity, the State may exercise a degree of supervision and control greater than it could exercise over free adults. The requirements that public school children submit to physical examinations and be vaccinated indicate that they have a lesser privacy expectation with regard to medical examinations and procedures than the general population. Student athletes have even less of a legitimate privacy expectation, for an element of communal undress is inherent in athletic participation, and athletes are subject to preseason physical exams and rules regulating their conduct. Pp. 7-11.

for more crap such as this click here.
http://caselaw.lp.findlaw.com/cgi-bin/getcase.pl?friend=nytimes&navby=case&court=us&vol=515&invol=646

The Past Few Weeks,

has been a vicious and tiring cycle of running back and forth from the College of Fine Arts building, to my apartment, then to my place of employment and back to CFA. In the mean time there has been a huge basketball tournement, (my sympathies to all Ohio fans,) Mr. Universe is arrested for being drunk in public, and a young German woman goes a little nuts...

The things you miss when you're too busy to notice.

The Month of February.

As written by Yahoo.com horoscope:

With this month, it's time for you to move beyond a few old habits that have been obstructing your romantic views. Has pessimism been poisoning your perspective, when it comes to romance? Has negativity negated some of your more loving impulses? Are you slightly insecure? Or do you find partners who are insecure and have trouble letting you into their hearts? The 1st and 2nd, it's time to really look at this stuff. Go ahead and keep thinking about it the 3rd and 4th, and by the 5th, 6th and 7th, you'll be in a good spot to make some kind of change. Whether it's a loud change -- like making up or breaking up -- or a quieter change, like shifting your own ideas a little bit, it will have a major impact down the line. The 13th, take a break from all this hard emotional work. Why not go for a jog on the beach? The 17th, check in with a parental figure -- they could have some good advice. By the 24th, you're probably ready to ask them out. Go for it. End the month, the 28th, with something new.

As written by June herself:

Being a cancer is horrible. I'm emotional, sensitive, moody, guarded, bitchy, and difficult to keep up with. This is why at the beginning of the month there were four different 'contenders in the running', but I wasn't looking for a valentines date. I was fine on my own with the occasional free drink supplied by a date that we both knew would go nowhere. Unfortunately someone wound up walking into the bar and tricking me into two weeks of a good time and one of complete confusion and frustration. So now, after realizing how happy I was before the mess I woke up with today I simply want to forget that February ever happened. Let's delete the month. Let's look at March as a longer February do over...

This is what I ask of March, that is doesn't try to act like this:

The 2nd, 3rd and 4th, you could feel like a vaudeville performer who's just gotten out of their straitjacket while locked in a tank full of water using a tiny golden key and their teeth. When it comes to romance, it's like you've emerged, beaming, before an admiring audience as the month starts. Yep, some problem that had been holding you back has just resolved itself, thanks to your nimble underwater moves and clever thinking. Go ahead and take a well-deserved bow -- then the rush to the telephone and call up the object of your romantic attentions right away. The 9th, a whole new, straightjacket-less romantic phase could be starting for you. The 13th, rest up from all these shenanigans. By the 18th, you're ready to examine why you were wearing a romantic straightjacket and getting yourself locked up in a tank filled with water in the first place. The 23rd and 24th, a little self-exploration will go a long way toward helping you understand how you are -- and why you are how you are. The 30th, try accepting something for what it is -- this, you know, can be very romantic!

and instead be filled with a less bullshit.

The Semester Summed Up In One Image

For the two months it has been pulling teeth to put together my Mass Media Project. This is because working with eleven other folks can be great and can be the biggest pain in the ass ever. So here it is, the final image that took too long.



Otherwise, there have been paintings, drawings, papers, other types of deadlines, job fairs, and career adviser meetings. Oh let's not forget the work at the bar. I like to think that Carnegie Mellon is a blend of what's good in life, what's really bad, and what is extra stressful. Nothing to truly report though. Let me know what you all think.

question

as words flow endless into a papercup i am sitting here after another long day and wonder how i made it this far.

with images of broken light running though my brokenbrain i wonder why i let myself wander this far.

but in the end nothing will change in my world right?

It's 1:15.

And I am sitting here again at my trusty computer watching 'The Office' on TV Links, and wishing that I didn't have my public policy class tomorrow. This is not only because I dislike this course but also because I don't want my Senior Project class to happen immediately afterwards.

Mind you I like Senior Project, I just hate having to propose my next project considering it will be over critiqued and changed beyond what it is that I wish to accomplish.

Look at the girl who is never happy with any situation and mock her please.